To quote the semi-immortal Shakespeare (because let’s face it, I’m pretty sure he’s dead): “Oops, I did it again. I published a second book and you can buy it from Amazon HERE. Oh, baby, baby.”
Now, to fill the time while you wait for it to arrive, here’s a blog post:
You, unlike me, may have been wondering where I’ve been. I know it’s been a while since I’ve posted. That’s because I’ve been writing a book. While writing a book, you may neglect your loved ones.
That’s right. I said it. I love you. Just don’t get all stalkery now that you know.
The point is, when you’re writing, you may be spending time you normally would have spent with your loved ones instead spending time with fictional characters.
My dog apparently felt she had been replaced by these fictional characters. That’s why the other night, when I went to bed, I found this (which I promise I did not alter at all):
Your eyes don’t deceive you. That is Santa Claus.
Sleeping on MY pillows.
With MY dog laying on his feet.
My dog did that. She replaced me with a fictional character so I could see how it feels.
In her defense, I have been spending a significant amount of time on Mars lately. People would talk to me and I would blankly stare at them and ask, “What are you doing here? You’re not a character in my book!”
And then they’d say something ridiculous like, “We’re your parents and this is our house. We’re also concerned about you because all you’ve eaten all day is cheese and a whole bottle of Dr. Pepper.”
And I’d say, “Oh my gosh, are you trying to tell me we’re out of Dr. Pepper?!?”
And then they’d say something, but I couldn’t hear it over the sound of my characters doing things on Mars.
And that pretty much sums up how you write a book.
And get scurvy.
But that’s okay because, being a writer, you can turn an experience like scurvy into a 300 page epic. And if the main character is a sexy zombie, you may just have a best-seller on your hands. He eats human brains, but he feels conflicted about it, especially after he falls madly in love with the doctor treating his latest outbreak of scurvy.
And now you know the plot of my latest book: Second Deception on Mars. Sub-title: Because scurvy is always sexier on Mars.
Here’s a true story: titles are hard.
Normally I have my sister come up with all my titles, but I actually came up with 3/4 of this title all by myself. All my sister added to this title was the word “Mars”.
My idea was to call it “Second Deception on Neptune”. I felt like it was intriguing and added on an extra twist that you don’t discover until the very end, namely that none of it takes place on and/or near Neptune. Neptune plays as big a role in this book as scurvy does.
Oh, sorry! I should have said “spoiler alert”.
Which leads me to a very special message:
For 5 days only (from January 30th to February 3rd), the prequel of the sequel (or “onequel” as I wished it was sometimes referred to)…wait, now I’m lost. Start over.
For 5 days only (or, depending on how long it takes me to finish this sentence, possibly less), the 1st book in my Martian Murders series, First Grave on Mars, will be free to download from Amazon (ebook version only). If only you had a link to it.
Wait for it…
SURPRISE!(Update: Amazon has decided to now make it a treasure hunt to get my free ebook, because what fun would it be if people could just find and get my ebook easily? (Lots of sarcasm I edited out.) Once you click the link, you then have to click on the words “See all 2 formats and editions”. Then you can get the free version without signing up for Kindle Unlimited. Yay!)
Make sure to get your copy and tell your friends that you won’t be friends with them anymore unless they also get a copy. Share on social media. Your friends will be so grateful for a post that isn’t another political rant.
Or at the very least, put a link to my book in the middle of your political rant. Use the hashtag #IDon’tGetHowHashtagsWorkButPleaseForTheLoveOfPeteBuyMyBook