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Themeless Writing

Because I don't have a clue either

Month

January 2016

Which of Your Children Are Commies?

I recently discovered that all youngest children are actually Communists. While I’m waiting for my Nobel Prize to arrive in the mail, I’ll elaborate.

This was not an easy bit of research to accomplish. First I had to infiltrate the world of the youngest children. I did this by purposefully being born last in my family. That gave me the sort of street cred one needs to work their way into the inner trust circle of youngest children. Continue reading “Which of Your Children Are Commies?”

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Genetically Engineered Cuteness

I like to talk about a wide variety of topics. I don’t want my whole blog to be about my dog.

I just wanted you to know that I don’t want that.

Now on to my dog.

Some dogs are food motivated. Some dogs are toy motivated. My dog is people motivated. She loves people. Not in the way that all dogs love people. My dog loves people in what is probably an unhealthy amount. Continue reading “Genetically Engineered Cuteness”

Dogs vs Cats, Season Finale

We’re discussing Cats vs Dogs (or “Pets that will demolish your house on purpose vs pets that will demolish your house on accident”)

Intelligence. I know what you’re thinking: “Why am I reading this? Can I seriously not think of anything else to do?” Sure, but a cat’s bigger brains aren’t necessarily a good thing. Limited smartness works to a dog’s advantage. Continue reading “Dogs vs Cats, Season Finale”

Dogs vs Cats

I don’t like to be controversial, but here goes.

I think we, as a world, need to bring up the tough topics, like which is better: cats or dogs. Allow me to lead you through an unbiased discussion. I’m not going to make any final judgment calls here about ultimately which is better, because it’s not my place. And we all know how overly-sensitive cat people can be. Continue reading “Dogs vs Cats”

Train of…Whatnow?

I published a book that has nothing to do with this blog.

So those of you who hate this blog but still read it for some reason are in for a real treat!

The rest of you may enjoy it as well.

But I don’t really want to talk about that. Continue reading “Train of…Whatnow?”

Only Uman

Here’s a challenge: Say the word “human” in front of a candle.

If the flame didn’t go out or at least flicker, get in your car and go see a speech therapist right now for the sake of all the people who just want to punch you in the face every time they hear you say “Uman.” There’s an ‘h’ there for a reason. You can’t just not use the letter ‘h’ wenever your eart as te inclination. Continue reading “Only Uman”

Commercials

I wouldn’t mind commercials so much if they didn’t take up SO much time. We have reached a tipping point where there is equal parts commercial and TV show in every half hour. Commercial breaks used to be just long enough that if you anticipated when the commercial break was going to start and sprinted for the bathroom, you could pee and make it back just as the show came back on. Provided you didn’t wash your hands adequately. Continue reading “Commercials”

Angry Awards

You ever have those days when you’re listening to Pandora and after disliking about 5 songs in a row, you start to realize that Pandora and its music selecting algorithm may not be the problem? I’m having one of those days. Everything annoys me. Happy people are so obnoxious, throwing their smiles in your face. Angry people are so obnoxious, trying to drag the rest of us down with them. I wish everyone would just leave me alone and I wish there was someone around I could pick a fight with. The only person around is my dog, so I’m left trying to pick a fight with her, which is always futile: Continue reading “Angry Awards”

Running

People who are into running are always REALLY into running. When’s the last time you said to someone, “Oh, I didn’t know you ran.”? I’m guessing never. Because people who run can’t stop talking about it. If there’s a lull in the conversation, they bring it up. They post about it on facebook all the time. All their family and holiday photos appear to be at finish lines. Continue reading “Running”

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