I wrote a haiku:
Eating two hot dogs.
All my ketchup’s expired.
Sure hope I don’t die.
I’ve been thinking a lot about expiration dates lately. Pretty much since a few hours ago when I found a forgotten bottle of Dr. Pepper in the back of the pantry. I can’t remember when I bought it. It was covered in a layer of dust. Maybe flour. Possibly mold. Continue reading “Great Expirations”
They say there are 5 love languages. They are:
-Acts of Service
-Quality time
-Lousy time
-Pacific time
-Mountain Standard time Continue reading “Love Languages”
Apparently I don’t store my funny ideas in my brain. That’s probably a good thing because the other bits of information I store in my brain, such as the location of my cell phone and other people’s names, get lost in the shuffle.
As a side note, this is why I could never be an amateur sleuth like on all those TV shows where someone who isn’t a detective starts solving crimes as a hobby around their real careers (like mystery writer, phrenologist, ballerina, President of the United States)(I would watch that last one!).
There I’d be, giving my summation of how I figured out who the murderer was: Continue reading “Show Going On-ing”
For your edu-tainment, some more actual facts and the technical facts they naturally lead to:
-France still used the guillotine as punishment to behead prisoners until September 1977 (and it was still legal until 1981)
-Star Wars: A New Hope was released in May 1977
–Technical Fact: George Lucas made better movies when it was possible he could have been guillotined Continue reading “More Technical Facts”
So I’m famous now. Possibly. Until I’m told otherwise.
It all started when I was at Walmart.
Unless you’re going to yell at me for shopping at Walmart. In which case, I was at Menards.
Unless you don’t know what Menards is. In which case, I was Steve’s Great Emporium of Stuff.
Unless you know that isn’t a real place. In which case, shut up. Continue reading “My 15 Minutes”
Notice anything different about this blog post?
I hope not.
Because the difference is that I am writing it on a new laptop and if you knew that, you are obviously in my bushes. Continue reading “Technology”
My life has changed dramatically and I wanted you all to be the first to know.
But then I got excited and accidentally blabbed to a bunch of strangers.
Sorry.
First, some background: Out story begins over a decade ago with the birth of the very first dinosaur. Continue reading “Staplers (Much More Exciting Than It Sounds)”
Once upon a time, there was a terrible horde. They plowed through the land, pillaging, marauding, and probably stopping some places to play Pokemon Go because apparently everyone is these days. It’s like they’ve never seen that episode of Star Trek: The Next Generation to know that when everyone starts playing a game, that the game is all a plot by evil aliens designed to…well, actually I don’t remember what the plot of the aliens was, but I remember Wesley Crusher had to save everybody by reversing the polarity or something. Continue reading “IT IS COMING”
They say it takes 10,000 hours to become an expert at something. Looking back on my life, I realize that I have thus unknowingly become an expert in 3 areas:
Themeless Writing 
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