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Themeless Writing

Because I don't have a clue either

Month

March 2016

Lifestyles of the Weird and Flammable

Lifestyle blogs are all the rage right now, so I’ve decided that’s what my blog is.

Now I just need a lifestyle.

But first I should ask how early do you have to get up in order to have a lifestyle? Because that could have an impact on my decision. Continue reading “Lifestyles of the Weird and Flammable”

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Grin and Bear It

This morning started like every other morning: namely, in the afternoon because it was 12:30 when I got up.

That’s when I found THE NOTE.

This is what it read (and this is verbatim):
“Dear Veronica –
These muffins are for you.
Also, bear sighted near our intersection yesterday. Check for bear before letting the dog out.
Love, Mom” Continue reading “Grin and Bear It”

New Stereotypes

Sometimes I feel left out, just like everyone does.

Hey, wait a minute…

I decided a good way to combat that was to come up with some stereotypes that will make me feel more normal.

I know what you’re thinking, “If everyone is losing socks in the dryer, why don’t socks just come in sets of 3?” Continue reading “New Stereotypes”

Watch It!

Today I have a few pitches for TV shows I’d like to make.

Cops. Everyone loves cop shows and, like Kardashians or political arguments on social media, you can just never have too many of them.

But here’s a twist that hasn’t been done before:

They’re not just cops. They’re also cats. Get it? They’re cats who are cops. That’s why I spelled “Cops” with a ‘C,’ for cat, instead of…wait… Continue reading “Watch It!”

Technically…

People misuse the word “Fact” a lot.

And by “people”, I mean the internet.

And by “fact”, I mean “Michael Jackson comes out of hiding, admits to faking his own death, and throws support behind Trump, sources say.” Continue reading “Technically…”

Fewer Wronger Grammar

Grammar, Spelling, and Punctuation. They’re important because some people are apparently one misplaced comma away from snapping.

And we, certainly, don’t want anything, like that, to, happen,,,,,

Which is why I’ve put together a short guide to grammar. I like to call it:

Grammar: It’s Not Spelled With an ‘E’ Anymore, or Possibly Ever Continue reading “Fewer Wronger Grammar”

How to Infomercial More

Welcome back to my guide on infomercializationingizing.

For those of you who didn’t read the first half, let me sum up:

It was awesome. Continue reading “How to Infomercial More”

How to Infomercial

Warning: This post contains the singular “they”. If you can’t handle that, I’d suggest electro-shock therapy.

I’ve been reading up on how to have a successful blog and the thing that is most often repeated is that your blog should be informative.

Well, done and done. Did you read “Cannibals and Octopi”? And what about “Brains”? That one has a graph and everything! Continue reading “How to Infomercial”

Other Stuff My Dog Says

“THE WALK”

Puppy: *Gasp* You’re putting on shoes! That means we’re going for a walk!

Me: I put on shoes for other reasons, too, you know. Anytime I go out, I wear shoes.

Puppy: Oh, you mean when we go to the vet.

Me: Or when I’m running errands, or meeting friends, or when I had a job, going to work.

Puppy: Yeah, that’s what I said. Going to the vet. Continue reading “Other Stuff My Dog Says”

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