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Themeless Writing

Because I don't have a clue either

Month

June 2016

Wait For It…

I was trying to order something online. I was shocked by what it told me and so I took a cell phone picture of it so you’d know I hadn’t photoshopped this:

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Full disclosure: I am not a horribly patient person. Continue reading “Wait For It…”

Before the Post-Apocalypse

My sister may have caused the apocalypse. It’s too soon to say, but I wouldn’t be a blogger if I didn’t immediately jump to the least likely conclusion.

Here’s how were all going to die:

Vegetables.

People are always saying vegetables are bad for you, but it’s about to get much worse. Continue reading “Before the Post-Apocalypse”

Brexit

You may have noticed the word “Brexit” popping up on your social media a lot lately. I know I have. Don’t ask me how I got onto your social media. Because I’ll tell you: I have really big binoculars. Continue reading “Brexit”

When Cooking Utensils Attack

I guess the first thing to admit is that I bought a zester. I don’t even know who I am anymore. A month ago, if you’d told me to add some lemon zest, I’d have given you a lemon in a top hat.

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Oh, yes I did!

Now I own and “operate” my very own purple zester.

But I have to say “operate” with finger quotes (demarcated here with some punctuatorial quotes) because it’s all fun and games until somebody loses an eye… Continue reading “When Cooking Utensils Attack”

Dance Like No One Has Noticed You’ve Fallen Over

This week, I had a dance performance.

I know what you’re thinking, “Oh no. She’s back to doing that weird ‘I know what you’re thinking’ bit again.”

Yes, I am awfully clumsy for a dancer. But wasn’t Luke awfully short for a stormtrooper? And that didn’t stop him being barely featured in the last Star Wars movie. I think you get my point. Continue reading “Dance Like No One Has Noticed You’ve Fallen Over”

Father’s Day

Father’s Day is coming up. Father’s Day makes me very introspective. Every year around this time, I find myself silently asking the same question.

That question is “Father’s Day already? Does that mean I missed Mother’s Day?”

And most years, the answer is yes. Continue reading “Father’s Day”

Poo of the Future

Big news! But first, let’s talk about my dog’s poo.

I took my dog for a walk yesterday and it was the most exciting moment of her entire life. (We go for a walk every day, which means she has the most exciting moment of her entire life 7 days a week. I think I need to be more like her in this. Maybe if I let myself get more excited about everyday things, I would enjoy things more. “They’re showing Star Trek: The Next Generation reruns on TV?!?! Best day ever!!!”) Continue reading “Poo of the Future”

I Bid You Peas

Cooking blogs seems to very in right now and I’m still on my cooking kick (because there is absolutely no proof that my friend’s husband got sick from my experimental chicken sushi).

So I’ve decided this is a cooking blog now.

“But I thought this was a lifestyle blog,” you say, if you happen to have read that post. Continue reading “I Bid You Peas”

Name That Singer

I like Disney music. I’m not ashamed. Particularly because for some reason, most of the people who have ever told me it’s embarrassing that an adult likes Disney songs are smoking cigarettes at the time. All I can think about as they’re mocking me is the great Disney medley I’m going to sing at their funeral. I think I’ll open with something tasteful, like “Cruella De Vil”. Continue reading “Name That Singer”

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