Themeless Writing

Because I don't have a clue either


February 2016

Award Season, Part 2B

(Or Not 2B)

Welcome back to my deep analysis of Oscar-nominated movies I haven’t seen! So far my only prediction is that Saoirse Ronan will win lots of awards merely for the comedic factor of people attempting to read her name off a teleprompter. Because the Oscar Committee knows comedy when they see it. Like The Martian. Continue reading “Award Season, Part 2B”

Award Season, Part A

Award Season is upon us and there is of yet no known cure for it. The best thing you can do is hunker down, drink lots of fluids, and avoid the internet. But it’ll be over soon. The Oscars are this week. Maybe next week. Possibly last week. I don’t honestly know. But they either were or will have been recently. Continue reading “Award Season, Part A”

Standing Up to Science

I don’t like the direction science is going. Lately science has decided it is some sort of exclusive club and so it has begun booting “lesser” beings out left and right.

The Brontosaurus for example. Happy and a hard worker, the mighty brontosaurus delighted children the world over. But science, the crusher of dreams, broke the hearts of millions of children by declaring that the brontosaurus never existed, despite detailed picturegraphic evidence in millions of children’s books owned by one little boy alone. Continue reading “Standing Up to Science”

Stuff My Dog Says

Despite her inability to form words, my puppy uses sounds, looks, and my rampant imagination to have entire conversations with me.

Here is one we had recently.

Puppy (distressed): My love can’t get to you!

Me: What?

Puppy: Something is blocking my love and keeping it from getting to you!

Me: It’s called a door and I will open it for you in a minute.

Puppy: Why do we even HAVE those? They block my love and my ability to chase the squirrels. Continue reading “Stuff My Dog Says”

Cannibals and Octopi

(I have your attention now with a title like that, don’t I?)

(Also, do not start with me about octopi/octopuses. My blog is not an Accuratecracy.  It is a Randomatorship!)

(Now that we’ve cleared that up, I’d like to move on to making even less sense.)

Everyone always wants to know where we writers get our ideas from. It’s very much like how everyone wants to know where Bill Gates keeps his shoebox of million-dollar bills. Continue reading “Cannibals and Octopi”

International Interest

It seems my blog has quite an international following, with readers all over South America and Europe. For example, I have one faithful reader in Italy.

(I am assuming the frequent views I get in Italy are all one person.)

(I’m also assuming that person is the Pope.)

(You don’t know that it isn’t! The Pope needs to procrastinate sometimes, too!)

(So everybody watch your language.) Continue reading “International Interest”

Black Friday

Now that we’re past the horror that is Valentine’s Day, it’s time to start thinking ahead to the next important holiday: Christmas.

And of course you can’t have Christmas without Black Friday.  At least not legally in most North American countries.

Black Friday was named after one of Britain’s famous dukes, Duke Steve “Black” Friday, who was known to shove people down when he saw a bargain. His memory is honored every year on the day after Thanksgiving, the anniversary of the day he died tragically trying to pull the last half-price TV from a brontosaurus. Continue reading “Black Friday”

Everyday Math

I’d like to take a minute to seriously discuss the importance of Math.

Not right now.

But someday.

Maybe. Continue reading “Everyday Math”

Into the Wild

Wild animals are like celebrities: They’re fun to watch on TV, even cooler to see in person, but it’s cruel if you cage one up in your own home, even if you have a big backyard, and it won’t end well for you.

Best case scenario: you’ll get in trouble with the law when someone finds out you have them.

Worst case scenario: they eat you. George Clooney has the air of confidence of a man who has eaten a few people in his time. Continue reading “Into the Wild”

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