I published a book that has nothing to do with this blog.
So those of you who hate this blog but still read it for some reason are in for a real treat!
The rest of you may enjoy it as well.
But I don’t really want to talk about that.
It’s none of my business if you read quality fiction or not.
On a totally unrelated note, well read people are sexy.
It’s a novella, so it won’t even take you that long to read.
It’s based on a true story. People love that.
Parrots, on the other hand, are indifferent to true stories.
It’s actually based on what will possibly be true story.
(Is that warming your parrot to my book at all?)
There are 3 different space exploration groups that are actually planning on sending people to live on Mars, some of them with no way back. Can you imagine how horribly wrong that could go? I can and I did!
Okay, maybe you can, too. But did you write it down? I did!
And Amazon published it, and they don’t publish just anybody.
They only publish just anybody who isn’t involved in porn or copyright infringement.
So I did technically pass a very stringent, albeit broad, selection process.
Like fish in a barrel: not all of them can manage to get hit.
Only the ones with booksmarts, like me.
Full disclosure: I am not a fish.
Not currently anyway.
Not currently in a barrel anyway.
And I’m sorry if you were hoping my book was copyright-infringed porn.
(No way to know for sure that it isn’t unless you buy it and read it!)
It could even save your life.
I haven’t quite worked out all the details on how that would work, but it is in the realm of possibility I’m sure.
It’s not even $4, for the love of Pete! JUST BUY IT!
I don’t know why you should love Pete.
I’m much more inclined to love Matt Damon.
Matt Damon likes books about Mars.
I have to say “allegedly” so I don’t get sued.
Matt Damon’s popularity among people on other planets might be hurt by me flinging around unverified statements regarding what mediums about which planets Matt Damon favors.
So Matt Damon allegedly likes books about Mars and allegedly hates pamphlets about Neptune.
Don’t even get him allegedly started on surveys about Alpha Centauri.
Matt Damon is allegedly opinionated.
Allegedly is the “bless their heart” of the legal world.
Matt Damon has never read this blog, “allegedly”.
(“Allegedly” is also the reverse-psychology of the gossip world).
Sources close to Matt Damon say he is very happy (because sources close to people always say that).
I would hope that if I become famous, sources close to me would say more original things.
“Sources close to Veronica said she is a little gassy.”
“Those sources consequently are now a little less close to Veronica.”
Flatulence humor. My parents are so proud. Allegedly.
In summation…farts, Matt Damon, fish, Mars, parrots, novella, sexy, invisible cantaloupe (you didn’t see that part), and blog.
Oh, and video.