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Themeless Writing

Because I don't have a clue either

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humor

Don’t Open Your Pantry

Some time last year I claimed that there was an impending vegetable-induced apocalypse (or “vegapocalypse” as it would have been called if any media outlets had responded to my phone calls).

This obviously did not come to pass.  At least not that I have noticed.

Then again, I don’t get out much. Continue reading “Don’t Open Your Pantry”

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Terror of Itsy Bitsy Proportions

I was innocently filling my coffee maker this morning when I noticed something hanging from the faucet. I thought at first it was a crumb, but it was actually a very small spider, struggling to fight the wave of water to get back up to the faucet.

The point is:

An itsy bitsy spider really did climb up my water spout. Continue reading “Terror of Itsy Bitsy Proportions”

Watch It!

Today I have a few pitches for TV shows I’d like to make.

Cops. Everyone loves cop shows and, like Kardashians or political arguments on social media, you can just never have too many of them.

But here’s a twist that hasn’t been done before:

They’re not just cops. They’re also cats. Get it? They’re cats who are cops. That’s why I spelled “Cops” with a ‘C,’ for cat, instead of…wait… Continue reading “Watch It!”

Other Stuff My Dog Says

“THE WALK”

Puppy: *Gasp* You’re putting on shoes! That means we’re going for a walk!

Me: I put on shoes for other reasons, too, you know. Anytime I go out, I wear shoes.

Puppy: Oh, you mean when we go to the vet.

Me: Or when I’m running errands, or meeting friends, or when I had a job, going to work.

Puppy: Yeah, that’s what I said. Going to the vet. Continue reading “Other Stuff My Dog Says”

Ideas

Warning: This post is sort of a self-help post. Please only read if you’re beyond regular help.

A lot of people have blogs, want to have blogs, or read blogs about people who want to have blogs about turtles. With all these people coming up with fresh posts all the time (ie: “Turtles: I Have Nothing to Say About Them”), it can be hard to come up with interesting new ideas. Continue reading “Ideas”

Train of…Whatnow?

I published a book that has nothing to do with this blog.

So those of you who hate this blog but still read it for some reason are in for a real treat!

The rest of you may enjoy it as well.

But I don’t really want to talk about that. Continue reading “Train of…Whatnow?”

Commercials

I wouldn’t mind commercials so much if they didn’t take up SO much time. We have reached a tipping point where there is equal parts commercial and TV show in every half hour. Commercial breaks used to be just long enough that if you anticipated when the commercial break was going to start and sprinted for the bathroom, you could pee and make it back just as the show came back on. Provided you didn’t wash your hands adequately. Continue reading “Commercials”

Running

People who are into running are always REALLY into running. When’s the last time you said to someone, “Oh, I didn’t know you ran.”? I’m guessing never. Because people who run can’t stop talking about it. If there’s a lull in the conversation, they bring it up. They post about it on facebook all the time. All their family and holiday photos appear to be at finish lines. Continue reading “Running”

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