Themeless Writing

Because I don't have a clue either


February 2016

An Incompetent Guide to Football

In a very special Sunday edition of my usual Monday post I am pleased to present:

Football for the Uninformed

As someone who doesn’t understand football, I feel it is my duty to explain the sport to those who know even less than I do.

In modern football, two teams of approximately fifty players each stand on the field. Each player has a different position. There’s a quaterback, a receiver, a halfback, a quarterafter, a fullback, a moneyback, a sexyback, a nickleback, and a blindside. None of the other positions have names, since their job is to just mill around the field until someone gets tackled and then jump on the pile to create an adequate dog-pile. Continue reading “An Incompetent Guide to Football”


They say getting on a regular schedule is good for you. Go to bed at the same time every night and get up at the same time every morning and eventually your body will get into the rhythm of it. Soon your brain will be waking you up at the same time without your alarm even going off.

What “they” don’t say is why that would be considered a good thing? Continue reading “Brains”


First of all, anyone who disputes the contents of that blurry photo of blurry aliens is part of the conspiracy and for your own safety, you shouldn’t trust them.

Now down to business.  Then up to tacos.  Then back down to jazzercize.  But I digress (already, which is frankly a bad sign for the chances of coherency in this post).

I don’t want anyone to panic, but aliens exist and we should all panic. Continue reading “Aliens”


Warning: This post is sort of a self-help post. Please only read if you’re beyond regular help.

A lot of people have blogs, want to have blogs, or read blogs about people who want to have blogs about turtles. With all these people coming up with fresh posts all the time (ie: “Turtles: I Have Nothing to Say About Them”), it can be hard to come up with interesting new ideas. Continue reading “Ideas”

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