Warning: This post is sort of a self-help post. Please only read if you’re beyond regular help.

A lot of people have blogs, want to have blogs, or read blogs about people who want to have blogs about turtles. With all these people coming up with fresh posts all the time (ie: “Turtles: I Have Nothing to Say About Them”), it can be hard to come up with interesting new ideas.

So I think it would be helpful to other people if I talked about ways to come up with fresh new post ideas. This is for people like you (and by “you” I mean definitely not me) who are so unfortunate as to need to write a blog post, late on Sunday night for example, but who have ABSOLUTELY NOTHING TO WRITE ABOUT. I can only imagine how painful that must be for you (and that “you” might actually mean “me”, although “you” would never admit it.).

So to help you (as well as the “you” that’s “me”) avoid that pain, I’ll brainstorm ideas here, making this both an entertaining and educational post, which is in no way just a space filler. I may even get a some sort of grant for this.

You’re welcome.

Sooooo…things you could blog about when you’ve got nothing. Where to even start in such as vast topic, flowing with so many ideas. Like a million and twenty different ideas.  At least.

Grants, for one.  Grants would make for thrilling posts. Like “Grants: I Have Less to Say About Them Than Turtles”. I don’t think that’s been done a lot yet.

And that’s just the tip of the iceberg. One idea down, a million and nineteen to go.

Umm…

I think we should pause here from all these ideas for a moment.  Let’s all take some time to discuss with our friends and family what sort of topics we find to be important. This can not only help you give me ideas, but help you have a better relationship with your friends and family, who I’m sure will be very grateful when you interrupt whatever it is they’re doing to get them to give you ideas for my blog. Communication is a lost art, so make sure you communicate clearly to them that they will in no way be compensated for use of their ideas.

Wow. I thought family values would take up more space.  Why don’t we have more to say about family values?  Discuss.

Unsung heroes. That is a trending topic. Everyone appreciates a good, unsung hero. Contrastingly, nobody likes a well-sung hero. So, whatever you do, make sure you do ample research on your hero to make sure they’re not too-sung. They need to be just the right amount of singafied.

Seat fillers. Those are unsung heroes. You know when you watch the Oscars (and this time, I really mean “you” when I say “you” and not “me”. I watch the Oscars the same way I watch football: namely that I turn on the TV with the intention of watching whatever is on after the Oscars/football, only to find out the awards/game is still going on, but promising to end in four minutes, which actually ends up being a good half hour that I am disgruntled about having sat through, although it does give me something to say when someone asks me, “Hey, did you see the game/awards ceremony last night?”)

That was a long paragraph of aside.

But there’s more to seat fillers than just my disgruntlement at football.  During the Oscars, when they do that shot of the standing-room-only audience, it’s a lie. Your brain knows this somewhere deep in your subconscious because Taylor Swift is presenting an award to the New York Raiders (I told you I don’t watch the Oscars and/or football) and all those people are standing on the stage, but you just saw them come up from their seats, which now are occupied. This lie is thanks to seat-fillers also known as I-moved-to-Hollywood-to-get-into-the-movies-but-sitting-in-Sandra-Bullock’s-chair-is-as-close-as-I’ve-gotten-to-an-acting-gig-ers.

Well that took a turn for the depressing.

So we’ve learned something! Like I said, this is an educational. We’ve learned don’t write a post about seat fillers. It’s best if they stay unsung.

Here’s some other topics that you (oddly enough, by that “you”, I mean “turtles”) certainly could delve into:

Modern pages: why the heck are they so long? How many trees would we save if pages were shorter? The answer: none, because I am actually talking about OpenOffice documents.

Turtles: For the love of pete, why can’t I think of anything besides turtles? Is that a symptom of some rare disease? Somebody check WebMD.

Light bulbs: Umm…I cannot think of a single topic regarding light bulbs except why aren’t they more like turtles?

Dramatic Pauses: they sure are great, right?

(Dramatic pause)

Discuss.

Frenemies. They’re a mix of a friend and an enemy, yet somehow lack the delightfulness of other mixes: Mango-ritas, Labradoodles, Smart Cars (which are a mix of a car and a single atom, which explains their size). Perhaps a third element needs to be added to the mix of frenemies to tip the scales in a more favorable manner.

Cross a frenemy with a poodle, a Frenemyoodle if you will. A cute poodle could help distract you from what a subtle jerk that person is.

white poodle (800x533)
I bark things about you behind your back.

 

 

Cross a frenemy with a lion and you will end up with one less frenemy to worry about, but possibly pending legal charges.

sea lion (800x533)
Um…that was not the kind of lion I was originally thinking of. But whatever.

I hope this has given you (“you”) some things to blog about. Which brings me to my final thought:

Endings: Why are they so turtle?

Discuss.

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