The Queen of England is looking to hire someone to run her Facebook and Twitter accounts (See?  I linked it so you couldn’t disbelieve me!)

Obviously I’m the perfect candidate:

-I have experience on social media and, while I cannot figure out how to set my blog to my own time zone so I have to do some serious math every time I want to set an article to post at a specific time, I consider myself good at computers

-I randomly break out in British accents

-I have my own car

-I have a crush on David Tennant, who is from the general vicinity of Europe

-My puppy is part King Charles Spaniel, so I’m practically royalty myself

As a mere formality I thought I would type up my resume (Or “CV” as they call it in the UK. For those ignorant Americans who don’t know what that stands for, it stands for “United Kingdom”)(At the time of posting this, I am unsure about CV).

Veronica’s Resume

Job History:

2006-2015: Gainfully employed

2015-Present: Ingainfully employed as Author/Blogger

References:

King Charles spaniel mix

Waiter at Local Mexican Restaurant w/ Most Gluten Free Options

Person on Google+ Who Complimented My Blog But Has Not Yet Started Stalking Me

Education:

Attended University.

Passed all my non-stupid classes.

Graduated in under 10 years.

Core Competencies:

Umm…yes?

Other Skills:

Using “Paint” program to put hats/facial expressions on animals

Quoting Shakespeare, a man of infinite jest. I have borne him in my backpack a thousand times.

Dropping juggling clubs on my right foot
(although I am practicing being able to drop them on my left foot as well)

Conversational Chinese
(assuming the conversation largely revolves around where the bathroom is)

Greatest Strength:

Weirdness.

Greatest Weakness:

Weirdness.

Also I care too much.

But let’s not talk about me. How are YOU doing today?

Greatest Strength:

Redundancy

Greatest Weakness:

Sweatiest bicycle rider ever

British Words Known:

Elevator = Lift

Flashlight = Torch

BBC = Dr. Who

Everything else, you just add a letter “u” to

Labor = Labour

Color = Colour

Gray = Gruy

British = Bruitish

Qualifications for Social Media Job:

My blog has over 100 followers.

(Rounding up)

(Rounding up a lot)

(From roughly 7)

(Rounding up)

Self-Published Books About Murders During Mars Colonization:

Yes.

Things You’d Like to Ask the Queen:

Since rules for personal audiences with the queen say “Do not touch the queen under any circumstances”, does the queen ever mess with people by waiving her hands close to their face and saying “You’re not touching me!”? Because that’s what I would do.

Other Notes:

Please don’t read my blog until after I have been hired

Now we just sit back and wait. If my math is correct, my blog clock is telling me it’s already next Sunday, so it shouldn’t be long now!

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