The Queen of England is looking to hire someone to run her Facebook and Twitter accounts (See? I linked it so you couldn’t disbelieve me!)
Obviously I’m the perfect candidate:
-I have experience on social media and, while I cannot figure out how to set my blog to my own time zone so I have to do some serious math every time I want to set an article to post at a specific time, I consider myself good at computers
-I randomly break out in British accents
-I have my own car
-I have a crush on David Tennant, who is from the general vicinity of Europe
-My puppy is part King Charles Spaniel, so I’m practically royalty myself
As a mere formality I thought I would type up my resume (Or “CV” as they call it in the UK. For those ignorant Americans who don’t know what that stands for, it stands for “United Kingdom”)(At the time of posting this, I am unsure about CV).
2006-2015: Gainfully employed
2015-Present: Ingainfully employed as Author/Blogger
King Charles spaniel mix
Waiter at Local Mexican Restaurant w/ Most Gluten Free Options
Person on Google+ Who Complimented My Blog But Has Not Yet Started Stalking Me
Passed all my non-stupid classes.
Graduated in under 10 years.
Using “Paint” program to put hats/facial expressions on animals
Quoting Shakespeare, a man of infinite jest. I have borne him in my backpack a thousand times.
Dropping juggling clubs on my right foot
(although I am practicing being able to drop them on my left foot as well)
(assuming the conversation largely revolves around where the bathroom is)
Also I care too much.
But let’s not talk about me. How are YOU doing today?
Sweatiest bicycle rider ever
British Words Known:
Elevator = Lift
Flashlight = Torch
BBC = Dr. Who
Everything else, you just add a letter “u” to
Labor = Labour
Color = Colour
Gray = Gruy
British = Bruitish
Qualifications for Social Media Job:
My blog has over 100 followers.
(Rounding up a lot)
(From roughly 7)
Self-Published Books About Murders During Mars Colonization:
Things You’d Like to Ask the Queen:
Since rules for personal audiences with the queen say “Do not touch the queen under any circumstances”, does the queen ever mess with people by waiving her hands close to their face and saying “You’re not touching me!”? Because that’s what I would do.
Please don’t read my blog until after I have been hired
Now we just sit back and wait. If my math is correct, my blog clock is telling me it’s already next Sunday, so it shouldn’t be long now!
May 9, 2016 at 7:05 am
I endorse you. 🙂
May 9, 2016 at 7:22 am
I approve this message.