Me (Talking to myself)(Don’t judge me): Yay, Veronica! You got your grocery shopping done for the whole week! Your fridge is full of meat to cook and your freezer is full of seafood and veggies.

Karma: Hi!

(Power goes out, including to my fridge/freezer)

Karma: Serves you right!

Me: What the heck, Karma? Why did you do that?

Karma: I think you know why.

Me: No, I don’t.

Karma: Yeah you do.

Me: I spent all day grocery shopping!  I didn’t have time to do anything wrong!

Karma: If you think about it, I think you’ll see why.

Me: I paid for everything. I wasn’t mean to anybody. I obeyed the traffic laws. I didn’t even flip off that guy who cut me off. What could I have possibly done to deserve this?

Karma: Really?  You don’t know.  Gee, this isn’t really very effective if you don’t even know what it’s for.

Me: Do you even know?  Are you sure you have the right person?  People call me Valerie a lot for some reason.

Karma: According to my notes, I’m supposed to torment Veronica With The Adorable White Fluffy Dog.

Me: Dang it, that’s me.

Karma: What kind of last name is “With The Adorable White Fluffy Dog?”

Me: I was procrastinating one day and found a place on the internet you could change your last name.

Karma: Well I think you karma’d yourself on that one.  So I’ll just let that one go.  But I can’t overlook the terrible thing you did to bring about your spoiling food.  You lied.

Me: When?

(Karma pulls out big book titled “Veronica’s Faults”)

Me: Wow. That’s kind of a large book.

Karma: And look how small the font is.

Me: You don’t have to rub it in.

Karma (reading from book): It says here that when Jessica asked if you liked Kyle, you said ‘no’ and that was a lie because you are madly in love with Kyle. And lying is bad. Hence your fridge full of rotting food.

Me: Kyle? Kyle who? Wait, are you talking about Kyle my first ever crush? In kindergarten?

Karma: I knew you could figure it out.

Me: You’re doing this because of a lie I told in kindergarten?

Karma: If you can’t do the time…

Me: I’m 30 years old!

Karma: Wow, really? I guess you would be kind of tall for a 5 year old. Look, I’m sorry, but we have fallen a touch behind on these things.

Me: 25 years is a “touch” behind?

Karma: Hey, the economy hit us like everybody. Karma Co. had to lay off a bunch of staff and everyone got pay-cuts. Needlesstosay, morale isn’t great right now and productivity is not what it should be.

Me: Well, isn’t there a statute of limitations on these things or something? I mean punishing me now for something I did in kindergarten seems like too belated of a punishment to be effective. Besides, shouldn’t it count as punishment enough that Kyle didn’t like me? He thought I had cooties and broke my heart.

Karma: You might be right. Well have you at least learned your lesson?

Me: Yes. You can check your book and see that since kindergarten, I have not lied to Jessica once about liking Kyle.

Karma: Well, alright then. My work here is done.

(Power comes back on)

Me: Hey, before you go, can I ask why every single guy who asks me out is on drugs? I mean, I’m assuming that’s you.

Karma: Yes.

Me: Why?

Karma: 1993.

Me:……..Okay, that’s fair.

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