Me (Talking to myself)(Don’t judge me): Yay, Veronica! You got your grocery shopping done for the whole week! Your fridge is full of meat to cook and your freezer is full of seafood and veggies.
(Power goes out, including to my fridge/freezer)
Karma: Serves you right!
Me: What the heck, Karma? Why did you do that?
Karma: I think you know why.
Me: No, I don’t.
Karma: Yeah you do.
Me: I spent all day grocery shopping! I didn’t have time to do anything wrong!
Karma: If you think about it, I think you’ll see why.
Me: I paid for everything. I wasn’t mean to anybody. I obeyed the traffic laws. I didn’t even flip off that guy who cut me off. What could I have possibly done to deserve this?
Karma: Really? You don’t know. Gee, this isn’t really very effective if you don’t even know what it’s for.
Me: Do you even know? Are you sure you have the right person? People call me Valerie a lot for some reason.
Karma: According to my notes, I’m supposed to torment Veronica With The Adorable White Fluffy Dog.
Me: Dang it, that’s me.
Karma: What kind of last name is “With The Adorable White Fluffy Dog?”
Me: I was procrastinating one day and found a place on the internet you could change your last name.
Karma: Well I think you karma’d yourself on that one. So I’ll just let that one go. But I can’t overlook the terrible thing you did to bring about your spoiling food. You lied.
(Karma pulls out big book titled “Veronica’s Faults”)
Me: Wow. That’s kind of a large book.
Karma: And look how small the font is.
Me: You don’t have to rub it in.
Karma (reading from book): It says here that when Jessica asked if you liked Kyle, you said ‘no’ and that was a lie because you are madly in love with Kyle. And lying is bad. Hence your fridge full of rotting food.
Me: Kyle? Kyle who? Wait, are you talking about Kyle my first ever crush? In kindergarten?
Karma: I knew you could figure it out.
Me: You’re doing this because of a lie I told in kindergarten?
Karma: If you can’t do the time…
Me: I’m 30 years old!
Karma: Wow, really? I guess you would be kind of tall for a 5 year old. Look, I’m sorry, but we have fallen a touch behind on these things.
Me: 25 years is a “touch” behind?
Karma: Hey, the economy hit us like everybody. Karma Co. had to lay off a bunch of staff and everyone got pay-cuts. Needlesstosay, morale isn’t great right now and productivity is not what it should be.
Me: Well, isn’t there a statute of limitations on these things or something? I mean punishing me now for something I did in kindergarten seems like too belated of a punishment to be effective. Besides, shouldn’t it count as punishment enough that Kyle didn’t like me? He thought I had cooties and broke my heart.
Karma: You might be right. Well have you at least learned your lesson?
Me: Yes. You can check your book and see that since kindergarten, I have not lied to Jessica once about liking Kyle.
Karma: Well, alright then. My work here is done.
(Power comes back on)
Me: Hey, before you go, can I ask why every single guy who asks me out is on drugs? I mean, I’m assuming that’s you.
Me:……..Okay, that’s fair.
June 2, 2016 at 6:35 am
Do tinfoil hats help protect me from Karma?
June 2, 2016 at 7:46 am
I’m not sure. You could try one on, punch a kitten, and see what happens. (Side note: Tinfoil will not protect you from angry kitten scratches)