Big news! But first, let’s talk about my dog’s poo.

I took my dog for a walk yesterday and it was the most exciting moment of her entire life. (We go for a walk every day, which means she has the most exciting moment of her entire life 7 days a week. I think I need to be more like her in this. Maybe if I let myself get more excited about everyday things, I would enjoy things more. “They’re showing Star Trek: The Next Generation reruns on TV?!?! Best day ever!!!”)

Anyway, not too far into our walk, my puppy discovered she needed to poo. This was not a problem as I am always armed with a roll of poo-bags. (They do not glow-in-the-dark, but they are purple, so that makes me happy.)

I bent over to pick it up and that’s when I saw it:

Wait…I have to go back and tell you something else first.

They’re doing a lot of construction in our neighborhood right now. So the streets, sidewalks, and some people’s lawns are all spray painted with various mysterious symbols.

On our walk the previous day, I had noticed this:

construction initials

(It’s not a very clear picture because that is what happens when you try to take a picture with your hand that is also holding a leash with a very excited dog on the other other end of it.  That’s why I have this picture of baby ducks we once saw on our walk:

20160504_141111 (640x384)

Unfortunately the baby ducks didn’t make it into the picture when someone in our walking party decided it wasn’t as much fun to take a picture of the baby ducks as it would be to try and chase the baby ducks.  But now I can’t help but think of baby ducks when I see blurry grass.  So I have kept the picture.)

Anyway, the initials on the street inspired me to write this letter:

Dear Street Construction Workers,

How are you? I am fine.
I know that you have long admired me, but I must insist that you stop spray painting my initials on the city streets. It is flattering, but seems unprofessional.
Sincerely, Veronica Maleficent Brush

And now, back to the poo.

I bent over to pick it up and that’s when I saw it:

The construction workers had spray painted a big ‘X’ on the edge of the yard we had stopped at and my dog had pooed smack dab in the center of it.

I know it’s hard to believe, so I was going to take a picture of it as proof. But then two thoughts popped into my head:

      1. This is really gross.

      2. My neighbors already think I’m weird.

So I decided against a picture, even though I know you will doubt the absolute squareness of my dog’s poo on the ‘X’. Instead, I present you with this more pleasant picture that expresses the same concept:

rep pic (640x435)

The dresser represents the ‘X’ and the flowers sitting in the almost-perfect-center of the dresser represent poo.

So I’m staring at the poo (and my neighbors are staring at me staring at the poo and probably wondering if they turn on the sprinklers, would that make me leave) and I’m wondering “How is that possible?”

I mean, my dog is wonderful and all, but her repertoire of tricks does not include expert marksmanship. It’s like that old saying, “You can lead a horse to water, but you can’t make him poo dead-center of a pre-determined spot”.

So I know my dog did not do that on purpose.

Which leads me to the only logical conclusion that can be drawn from such circumstances:

One of the construction workers working in my neighborhood is from the future and has come back in time to tell me something important. He’s spray-painting my initials on the street to get my attention and marking the places my dog is going to poo as proof that he’s really from the future.

I have no idea what message this time-traveler wants to give me me, but I can only assume it’s something along the lines that I’m the only hope future-humanity has. That seems to be one of the only two reasons people ever travel back in time.  And this is the wrong time and place to try and stop Hitler from being born.  So I’m pretty sure it’s the whole save-humanity thing.

The weight of the future world is on my shoulders. We all knew that day would come eventually. What with Princess Di being gone and Mr. T getting on in years, I’m the most logical choice to rescue humanity.

Which brings up the obvious question: how early do you have to get up in order to rescue humanity? Because that could be a problem.

Advertisements