Father’s Day is coming up. Father’s Day makes me very introspective. Every year around this time, I find myself silently asking the same question.

That question is “Father’s Day already? Does that mean I missed Mother’s Day?”

And most years, the answer is yes.

And every year, as I present both my father and my mother presents on Father’s Day, I explain to them that, as they have always presented a united parenting front, I feel it is only fitting that I should present them with gifts at the same time. And every year my mother hugs me and tells what a beautiful thought that is, as though she actually believed it. That’s why mothers are great.

One year, when I was away at college, I actually did call my mother on Mother’s Day.

“Did you call to sing ‘Happy Mother’s Day’ to me?” she asked.

“Yes-s-s-s-s,” I answered, suddenly realizing it was Mother’s Day.

So then I used up my whole one phone call singing “Happy Mother’s Day To You” and never did make bail.

This year I did not actually forget Mother’s Day so much as I was shanghaied. My sisters all told me that they were going to be out of town for work on Mother’s Day, so we would have to set up a time when they got back to celebrate Mother’s Day(Observed).

“Oh, good.” I said. “I can put off getting a present until later.”

I played right into their hands.

And then suddenly come the day before Mother’s Day, they all showed up to my parents’ house with presents.

“We decided to celebrate early,” they said (because my sisters are like the Borg and often talk in unison).

I know what was really going on. They are threatened by me. Thanks to my unbelievable blogging success, they are worried I will become our mother’s favorite child. They wish THEIR blogs had 36 followers.

Come to think of it, I wish my blog had 36 followers.

But I’m getting close.

I’m only 3 away from being a third of the way to halfway there.

Anyway, had it not been for my sisters’ sabotage, I would have probably forgotten about Mother’s Day until right about now.

But I showed them. On Mother’s Day, I threw my Mom a surprise party and it was great!

My mother knew we were having the party. It was taking place in her house. And she did most of the cooking for it. The party wasn’t the surprise part.

The surprise was that it was actually a going-away party for one of my coworkers. I did not mention that part to her.

I think she was suspicious about the fact that she had never met any of the party guests before. But the icing on the cake was really the icing on the cake.

The icing on the cake said, “Good Luck With Your Future Endeavors, Steve”. (Because we all agreed that “Our Thoughts And Prayers Go Out To The Next People Who Have To Put Up With You, Steve” was too wordy.)

(Steve was not even fired. We were all just hoping that if we threw him a going away party, he would go away.)

(Spoiler alert: he did not.)

(Next year’s shindig is going to be even bigger, with a real DJ, so we’re hopeful.)

When we brought the cake out, my mother, realizing her name is not Steve, started to catch on that this party was not really a Mother’s Day party. So that’s when I jumped up and yelled “Surprise!”

After the party, my mother told me that even though it wasn’t for her per se, it was still a great party. Although she did find that Steve guy kind of annoying. In lieu of a gift, I promised her that in the future, I will not invite Steve to any more of her parties, even if they are secretly for him.

And Dad, if you’re reading this, I got you the same present as Mom.

Happy Father’s Day!

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