You may have noticed the word “Brexit” popping up on your social media a lot lately. I know I have. Don’t ask me how I got onto your social media. Because I’ll tell you: I have really big binoculars.

Being trendy and hip (Word!), I took some time to read tons of articles (well, nearly one entire headline) about Brexit. Now I would like to take some time to talk to you about Brexit so you can feel smart the next time you’re talking to someone British, even if they turn out to be Australian.

Brexit: it’s the most important meal of the day. Just like “Colour” and “Flavour”, the British spell the world “Breakfast” different than we do. This dates back to the time of Shakespeare (about 11:32pm) when he invented the word “Brexit” in one of his lesser known plays, “Romeo & Juliet 2: Rosalind’s Revenge”:

Rosalind: How do I loathe the morning and its sun

That rises just to blind my weary eyes.

Until I’ve had my coffee none are safe.

Then I’ll make some brexit, waffles perhaps.

Then to reanimate sweet Romeo!

A thousand years ago in the 1950’s, a good breakfast was hard to come by in Europe. It was all just stale donuts, but countries were still always going to war with each other over who got the ones with the sprinkles. So Europe decided that all the countries should come to some sort of cooperative breakfast.

Europe decided that maybe if they worked together, the countries could put together a lovely breakfast buffet with enough good food that no one would have to fight over it.

Britain joined in with the buffet, but has just never seemed that into the whole spread. They come sit at the table, but they’ve brought their own food with them. Britain said they just didn’t like what was being served, which is understandable because it was mostly euros, which, if you don’t know, are those Greek sandwiches.

Euros are not very good for breakfast, especially when compared to silver dollar pancakes like we have in America.

Of course, then some of the British people were wondering why they were even paying to get into the buffet if they were just going to bring their own food. And sometimes some countries would claim they had forgotten their wallets and Britain didn’t want to keep footing the bill.

Lately Britain has been complaining that it’s too crowded at the buffet, so every time they get up to get something, their seats keep getting taken. Also, I don’t think they like Polish food, which, due to the economy, there has been an influx of because I guess Polish food is cheap.

On the other hand, some British people were worried that if they left the buffet, they’d end up eating alone for the rest of their lives.

So they took a vote, or as they call it over there “a trolly”, and the majority decided they weren’t going to eat at the buffet anymore. So they left the buffet and went back to having good old British brexit.

The immediate results seem to be very positive, at least as far as health is concerned. I think the breakfast euros served at the buffet must have been very fatty. I read that since the vote to leave, British pounds have been dropping. So that’s good. This might be a good time to invest in the British skinny-jean market.

And this is just the beginning. It seems that Britain was only one of the first of many countries to be taking votes to leave. The very same day that Britain voted out of the buffet, both England and the United Kingdom left as well.

So now you know. You’re welcome.

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