Apparently I don’t store my funny ideas in my brain. That’s probably a good thing because the other bits of information I store in my brain, such as the location of my cell phone and other people’s names, get lost in the shuffle.

As a side note, this is why I could never be an amateur sleuth like on all those TV shows where someone who isn’t a detective starts solving crimes as a hobby around their real careers (like mystery writer, phrenologist, ballerina, President of the United States)(I would watch that last one!).

There I’d be, giving my summation of how I figured out who the murderer was:

Me: …And then I knew you had to be the murderer when you called the victim by his first name ‘Steve’. I never told you that his name was ‘Steve’, so the only way you could have known that was if you were the murderer.

Suspect: You DID tell me the victim’s name was Steve.

Me: I did?

Suspect: Yes. Several times. Which was weird because the victim was a woman.

Me: It was?

Suspect: Yes.

Me: Okay, well maybe you’re not the murderer, but I’m still not convinced you didn’t steal my cell phone.

(At that instant, my cell phone starts ringing from the bottom of my purse)

Me: My work here is done.

So it’s best that I don’t keep my funny ideas somewhere as unreliable as my brain.

Unfortunately as it turns out, where my ideas are stored is in my stomach.

Even more unfortunatenessly, I know that because I just spent the day vomiting out the contents of my stomach. And then when I sat down to write a blog post, I suddenly couldn’t think of a single funny thing.

Usually when trying to write a blog post, I start with what silly thing has recently happened to me. Today the answer was “I spent all day losing my cookies.”

You know what’s funny about that?

Neither do I.

Which is why you almost didn’t get a blog post today.

But the show must go on.

And so I wrote you a poem:

Little Bo Peep has lost her cookies

And doesn’t know how to stop losing them.

Leave her stomach alone and maybe it will calm down.

Maybe some ginger ale and gluten-free crackers might help

Or maybe just never ever even thinking about eating food ever again.

Yeah, she should probably do that.

You’re welcome.

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