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Themeless Writing

Because I don't have a clue either

Month

July 2016

Dear Snakes

Dear Snakes,

How are you? I am fine.

Now down to business. This is a cease and desist letter.

I’m sorry that it’s come to this, but you leave me no other choice.

I yet again must insist that you stop being snakes. I understand that snakes have made great strides in the fields of mice eating and horror movie atmosphere. But that does not excuse your obvious blood-thirsty nature. Continue reading “Dear Snakes”

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X-Men-ish

Everyone loves the X-Men, right? You wouldn’t really fear mutants if they were real, right? They could feel safe revealing their powers on, say, their hilarious blog, right? And you wouldn’t shoot them with poisonous darts or send Peter Dinklage after them, right?

I’m asking for a friend.

A friend with great hair.

And the world’s most adorable puppy. Continue reading “X-Men-ish”

July 4th

Independence Day: it’s as American as apple pie, assuming that it is a gluten free, dairy free, nut free, soy free, free-range, fair trade, organic apple pie.

It’s as American as illegal fireworks.

It’s as American as great movies that have thrown-together sequels that don’t even try to be good because the producers know movie theaters don’t offer refunds. Continue reading “July 4th”

The Interview

Interviewer: I have to tell you, we’ve interviewed a lot of very promising candidates so far. What makes you think you would make a good evil queen?

Me: Well, there’s my impatience with the frailties of humans. Humanity generally annoys me greatly. Also, I’m maniacal a lot. So far that’s just been a hobby, but I’ve often thought of trying to turn it into a career. Continue reading “The Interview”

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