Today my blog turns 50 posts old.

In honor of this, my 50th post, I thought I’d combine all my posts into one Super Post! So I took the 1st sentence from my first post, the 2nd sentence from my second post, and then I mostly lost count.

Some of the later ones I had to circle back to the beginning of them because there weren’t that many sentences.

I don’t know why I’m telling YOU this. It’s not YOUR 50th post. I can do whatever I want! So back off! And enjoy!

For my first blog post, I would like to explain who this blog is not for. Who ever thought I’d get this far? I don’t dress like an Amish person or anything. And now, the thrilling conclusion to why I seem to attract guys on drugs. Actually my puppy had to have surgery on New Year’s Eve (I think I accidentally rear-ended 2015 and that’s why it hated me so much).

Now, obviously one of these two artists got distracted from the tree. Don’t let the casual way in which I post it — possibly including the phrase “Can anyone explain to me why…”– fool you. My theory: they have to keep hyping it up because if they stop, they’ll realize what a miserable thing running is. “So’s your face!” They do not need more than a few seconds to express their concepts.

Yes, te word “our” as a silent ‘ ‘. It’s actually based on what will possibly be true story. I can’t even find her in my house half the time, she shreds my furniture and my curtains, and gives me looks to let me know how much she wishes she could feed herself so I wouldn’t be needed in her life. They don’t just not eat it. But not in the way that all dogs are mixed breeds (even pure-breds are mixed breeds as it turns out)(but don’t tell the AKC or they’ll implode).

So, as a youngest child, if I find a shirt that I like, it doesn’t matter who it “belongs” to because it just as equally “belongs” to me, so I can wear it to paint in. Like “Grants: I Have Less to Say About Them Than Turtles”. Because who else makes snow-crop-circles? The rules are that I’m going to make you think so deeply about something that you’ll forget no one else in the room could hear your internal conversation and then you’ll say something that makes sense in the context of your thoughts, but to no one else in the room. Once the quarterback has the ball, his job is to throw it.

We are experiencing Brainical Difficulties. If you have, I imagine you don’t have very many friends. This may mean missing Thanksgiving all together (as well as the 4th of July) to stand in line, but you know as well as I that Christmas is only 30 days away and you are going to need the other 29 days to start getting ready for Easter. He sure is great, huh? Not necessarily good ideas, but ideas.

When my love can’t get to you, it comes back and attacks me. So is Earth not a planet? This is why I don’t date anymore. Sean Connery stars as Cate Blanchett playing Eddie Redmayne in this one. Throwing things comes later.

It was just because I thought differently than apparently most people do. But I’m not good at social situations, especially when there’s blood involved. Does he have to adopt a dog to take care of? No. Funerals are expensive, particularly since you got that clause in your living-will stating that you want all the members of One Direction standing vigilant by your hospital bed and painting your fingernails with real gold as you lay dying.

Or at the very least, if someone says, “This is definitely a scam product!” you can quote: “This is definitely a…product!” If typing an important document and you don’t know which word to use (and your Caps Lock key is broken), use ‘Affect’. Junk mail contributes to the obesity epidemic in America. Hello? I feel like this one is self-explanatory.

And so I armed myself with the best bear-avoidance equipment I had on hand. A good rule of thumb for showing off your underwear is this: If you would not present your underwear TO a person, then it probably isn’t a good idea to present it to them while on your person. “Who would rather not be here?” (They ride off on horses, riding all night and into the day). He had the sort of face that suggested he held grudges.

There was a pair of ducks just sitting calmly, confident in the safety of their sanctuary. I demand a raise! Like the powdered seasoning? First of all, because my parents never bought me a Power Wheels as a child. And that’s what would happen if a mongoose and a libertarian went into business together.

Okay, I made up that last one up, but I felt like I needed a good closer.

I think, if nothing else, I can say that I have definitely held true to my themeless roots.  I don’t even know what’s coming next.  Except that all-crustacean Shakespeare.  That needs to happen.

Thanks for hopping on my crazy train and I hope you’ll stay on for another 50 posts! I promise they won’t make much more sense than this!

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