It’s been over 3 days and I’m still on my cooking kick. It’s like I’m playing russian roulette. Every time I cook and manage to not ignite anything, I feel excited and enlivened and want to cook more, not realizing that every meal I make is one meal closer to my kitchen burning down.
I have become so intoxicated with cooking, I made a meal plan for the week. Here it is: Continue reading “It Happened in Aisle 5”
Me: Thank you for agreeing to meet with me today.
Puppy: I always come when you call because sometimes you have a treat!
Me: Yes, well, not today. I assume you know why I asked you here today.
Puppy (excitedly): Are you going to feed me again?
Me: No.
Puppy (more excitedly): Are we going to the vet? Because I love the vet!! Except when she asks me to do really impossible things, like stand still.
Me: No, this has nothing to do with the vet.
Puppy (so excitedly, she might explode): ARE YOU GOING TO FEED ME AGAIN? Continue reading “Crime and Punishment”
I’m cooking. Like right now. You think I’m writing this blog post, but mostly I’m cooking. I like to do other things while I cook my food so I can forget about it. That way I’m not just cooking, I’m also testing the efficacy of my fire alarms.
My cooking skills are…well, calling them skills is generous. Cooking is to me what designing the Titanic was to that one guy who did it. Only way more people died horrible deaths, obviously, because of my cooking. Continue reading “The Joy of Burning Things”
The other day a friend suggested that if I didn’t waste so much time procrastinating on the internet, I might actually get some of the stuff on my “To-Do” list accomplished.
What this friend didn’t understand is that I’m not procrastinating. #1 on my to-do list is view the entire internet. She was interrupting. Continue reading “Monsters and Doubt”
Reading the fine print is important. If you sign things without reading all those boring words, you may find you’ve agreed to payments you didn’t realize or, worse, have to get up and read your poetry in front of people.
You laugh, but it happens.
It happens to me.
It happens to me a lot.
Upwards of one time.
So far. Continue reading “Poetic”
I have decided to try acupuncture. Why? Because it’s there. It’s supposed to be able to help a variety of problems. Maybe it can even help me with this writing addiction I seem to have.
I’m also hoping it will be like couple’s therapy for me and my liver, who have not been on good terms for some time now. Continue reading “Acupuncture”
Day five without internet.
Is the world still out there?
I don’t know if Kim and Kanye are still together.
I don’t know who’s going to appear on what controversial magazine cover.
I don’t know what insulting things my friends have said to each other over political debates on social media.
But that’s all the upside. Continue reading “Alone and Internetless”
Once upon a time in a swamp somewhere, a spider and mosquito locked eyes and in that one look, knew they were made for each other. I was love at first sight, or, in the case of the spider, love at all 8 of the sights. They knew their families would never approve. But, through some adventures, they proved that the power of love is more powerful than any obstacles.
And they lived happily ever after.
In my bedroom.
Slowly eating me alive.
The Queen of England is looking to hire someone to run her Facebook and Twitter accounts (See? I linked it so you couldn’t disbelieve me!)
Obviously I’m the perfect candidate:
-I have experience on social media and, while I cannot figure out how to set my blog to my own time zone so I have to do some serious math every time I want to set an article to post at a specific time, I consider myself good at computers Continue reading “Near Royalty”
Themeless Writing 
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