Notice anything different about this blog post?
I hope not.
Because the difference is that I am writing it on a new laptop and if you knew that, you are obviously in my bushes. Continue reading “Technology”
My life has changed dramatically and I wanted you all to be the first to know.
But then I got excited and accidentally blabbed to a bunch of strangers.
Sorry.
First, some background: Out story begins over a decade ago with the birth of the very first dinosaur. Continue reading “Staplers (Much More Exciting Than It Sounds)”
Once upon a time, there was a terrible horde. They plowed through the land, pillaging, marauding, and probably stopping some places to play Pokemon Go because apparently everyone is these days. It’s like they’ve never seen that episode of Star Trek: The Next Generation to know that when everyone starts playing a game, that the game is all a plot by evil aliens designed to…well, actually I don’t remember what the plot of the aliens was, but I remember Wesley Crusher had to save everybody by reversing the polarity or something. Continue reading “IT IS COMING”
They say it takes 10,000 hours to become an expert at something. Looking back on my life, I realize that I have thus unknowingly become an expert in 3 areas:
- Waffle making/eating
- Puppy snuggling
- Getting rejected
Dear Snakes,
How are you? I am fine.
Now down to business. This is a cease and desist letter.
I’m sorry that it’s come to this, but you leave me no other choice.
I yet again must insist that you stop being snakes. I understand that snakes have made great strides in the fields of mice eating and horror movie atmosphere. But that does not excuse your obvious blood-thirsty nature. Continue reading “Dear Snakes”
Everyone loves the X-Men, right? You wouldn’t really fear mutants if they were real, right? They could feel safe revealing their powers on, say, their hilarious blog, right? And you wouldn’t shoot them with poisonous darts or send Peter Dinklage after them, right?
I’m asking for a friend.
A friend with great hair.
And the world’s most adorable puppy. Continue reading “X-Men-ish”
Independence Day: it’s as American as apple pie, assuming that it is a gluten free, dairy free, nut free, soy free, free-range, fair trade, organic apple pie.
It’s as American as illegal fireworks.
It’s as American as great movies that have thrown-together sequels that don’t even try to be good because the producers know movie theaters don’t offer refunds. Continue reading “July 4th”
Interviewer: I have to tell you, we’ve interviewed a lot of very promising candidates so far. What makes you think you would make a good evil queen?
Me: Well, there’s my impatience with the frailties of humans. Humanity generally annoys me greatly. Also, I’m maniacal a lot. So far that’s just been a hobby, but I’ve often thought of trying to turn it into a career. Continue reading “The Interview”
I was trying to order something online. I was shocked by what it told me and so I took a cell phone picture of it so you’d know I hadn’t photoshopped this:
Full disclosure: I am not a horribly patient person. Continue reading “Wait For It…”
Themeless Writing 
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