Themeless Writing

Father’s Day is coming up. Father’s Day makes me very introspective. Every year around this time, I find myself silently asking the same question.

That question is “Father’s Day already? Does that mean I missed Mother’s Day?”

And most years, the answer is yes. Continue reading “Father’s Day” →

Big news! But first, let’s talk about my dog’s poo.

I took my dog for a walk yesterday and it was the most exciting moment of her entire life. (We go for a walk every day, which means she has the most exciting moment of her entire life 7 days a week. I think I need to be more like her in this. Maybe if I let myself get more excited about everyday things, I would enjoy things more. “They’re showing Star Trek: The Next Generation reruns on TV?!?! Best day ever!!!”) Continue reading “Poo of the Future” →

Cooking blogs seems to very in right now and I’m still on my cooking kick (because there is absolutely no proof that my friend’s husband got sick from my experimental chicken sushi).

So I’ve decided this is a cooking blog now.

“But I thought this was a lifestyle blog,” you say, if you happen to have read that post. Continue reading “I Bid You Peas” →

I like Disney music. I’m not ashamed. Particularly because for some reason, most of the people who have ever told me it’s embarrassing that an adult likes Disney songs are smoking cigarettes at the time. All I can think about as they’re mocking me is the great Disney medley I’m going to sing at their funeral. I think I’ll open with something tasteful, like “Cruella De Vil”. Continue reading “Name That Singer” →

Once upon a time, there was a beautiful blogger who had an adorable puppy and some weird hobbies. One of those hobbies was learning to play an ancient Chinese musical instrument called the erhu. An erhu looks like this:

Or at least that’s what an erhu would look like if it had been made by a blind 3 year old. But maybe if you knew what an erhu looked like, you would be able to interpret the picture better. So that’s really your fault. Continue reading “Lessons” →

Friends like to say to me, “Veronica, I loved that murder mystery on Mars you wrote, which I bought at THIS LINK.”

“Why are you talking like that?” I ask.

“Because SOMEBODY has to do some promotion for your book and you stink at it.”

“Fair enough.”

“Anyway,” they say. “I can’t wait to read the thrilling sequel. How’s that coming along?”

“Oh, alright I guess. HEY! LOOK OVER THERE!” Continue reading “Frist Drafts” →

People often ask me, “Veronica, did you conduct a hostile Paleo takeover of your household?”

To which I say, “No-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-owhy do you ask?”

“Because you’re throwing away all those frozen waffles.”

“That’s…because…I thought…they…were…part of the last recall.”

“Wasn’t that recall for frozen vegetables?”

“Yes. You know how tomatoes are secretly fruit? Turns out waffles are secretly a vegetable.” Continue reading “What DON’T I Not Eat?” →

Me (Talking to myself)(Don’t judge me): Yay, Veronica! You got your grocery shopping done for the whole week! Your fridge is full of meat to cook and your freezer is full of seafood and veggies.

Karma: Hi!

(Power goes out, including to my fridge/freezer)

Karma: Serves you right!

Me: What the heck, Karma? Why did you do that? Continue reading “Karma Stole My Power” →

I have a new life goal: I want to run for Coroner.

So.

Very.

Much.

Let me be clear here: I don’t want to actually BE coroner. Dead bodies are gross.

Live bodies are pretty gross for that matter.

I just want to run for the office of coroner. The running is the fun part! Continue reading “More Disturbing Than the Presidential Election” →